Lyu Guoqing from Department of Endocrinology and Metabolism, West China Hospital, Sichuan University

The gentle breeze and blooming sakura tells us of the spring vitality of Wuhan. Time passed so quickly. It has been almost two months since I came to Wuhan as a member of the third batch of medical aid teams from West China Hospital. Before that, I went to aid Public Health Clinical Center of Chengdu (i.e. Chengdu Infectious Disease Hospital, which is the designated hospital in Chengdu for the reception of COVID-19 patients), so it has been two months since I went home last time.  The happiest time for me every day is to have a video talk with my family, when I can see if my daughter gets taller or where she has made any progress in English. How is my wife doing? How is the family doing? But I don't feel encouraged enough to have a video talk with my father. I can only talk with him on the phone to see how he is doing, because I lied to him.

My father is 65 this year. He is a restrained man with traditional mentality. He is meticulous and cautious. Family member health takes priority in his mind. Due to the education I received in childhood, I respect him rather than have an intimate attachment to him. I love him very much, but I rarely show that in life. As he grows older, his physical condition is not as good as before, and he is becoming more and more sensitive to the physical condition and safety of the family. For example, whenever a family member gets ill or travels, he will always worry about our health and safety. In 2018, when I studied in the United States for a year, he kept worrying about me throughout the year. So my brother and I have been trying to prevent him from worrying about us.

Everyone is fully aware of what happened before and after the Spring Festival in 2020. The COVID-19 epidemic caught everyone off guard and there was a wide panic. As a medical practitioner, I didn’t fear less than an ordinary citizen, but we all knew that, only with white soldiers charge in the front could Wuhan and China be saved! Soon, our hospital organized a team of medical experts and rushed to aid Wuhan on lunar New Year's Day. This might be the so-called retrograde. The sense of responsibility overcame our panic. Of course, there was our powerful support organization-West China Hospital, Sichuan University! We could stand on the shoulders of giants, so why shall we be afraid? Of course, in the face of the epidemic, it was not enough to just have doctors and nurses from the Department of Respiratory Medicine, Intensive Medicine, and Infectious Diseases involved. My major is endocrine and metabolic diseases and I knew that I could do something for this epidemic.

On the afternoon of January 28 (the fourth day of the first lunar month), I was designated to the Public Health Clinical Center of Chengdu. I agreed without hesitation, and my wife also supported my decision. On the second day, several doctors in our internal medicine department officially settled in the hospital as members of the expert group, whose main work was to participate in the multidisciplinary diagnosis and treatment of patients with COVID-19. I was excited because finally I was able to do something for help. However, because of the need for isolation, from the day I received the notification to today, I have been away from home, and home means the other end of the WeChat video...

In order to relieve my father from worries about me, we had a short family meeting and decided that my father live at my brother's house. He didn't know what happened to me in the morning of my departure. However, news about COVID-19 and medical assistance was spread everywhere. My father would soon know what was going on, including the news of our hospital's support to other places. So we all decided that we try to keep my father from watching the news through every possible effort, with the hope that when the aid was not that much of a heated topic and when I finished my aid task, we could then tell him the truth. I didn’t know if it was that invisible family attachment that caused my father to give me a call right that evening and ask me if I had already started working. He was very worried about my working in the hospital and was concerned that I could be infected. With what I had prepared in the day time, I told him that I just went to work, and there were not many patients. Because I was concerned about the possible impact to the family, I decided to rent a house with a colleague outside for a short time. I also said that since my major was endocrinology and metabolism, I would not have contact with patients of COVID-19. My father believed me. Because Chengdu was not an epidemic center, I estimated that my aid would end soon. Therefore, I wouldn't have to "lie" to him for long. There was a little sense of guilt inside, but I thought it was understandable. But I didn't expect I would tell him a bigger and longer lie later!

With the spread of epidemic, the first two batches of medical workers aiding Wuhan needed additional support. On the evening of February 6, the hospital issued a notice to support Wuhan. I quickly registered and was very honored to be selected among the third batch of aid-Hubei teams from West China Hospital. In only one hour, our hospital assembled a team of 131 medical (technical) workers, and we were ready leave at noon the next day.

After a short excitement, I fell in silence, because it meant that I would continue to be from my family and keep lying to my father who worried about me. Because I couldn't go home, I had to call my wife, gave her a list what I needed, and asked her to send them to the hotel I stayed the next day. When I hung up the phone, I couldn’t hold my tears. My father was old and needs care. My child was still very young. The burden of the family now all fell on the shoulders of my wife. At such a critical moment for this country, I believed they needed me very much as well. I also wanted to stay with them, but patients needed us more! An eagerness for companionship, a sense of guilt, and a sense of responsibility fought in my mind. I was not able to calm down at this long night...

The next morning my wife brought me clothes and other daily necessities. For protection reasons, I didn’t let her get close to me. She put down my luggage about ten meters away and we didn’t talk much. She kept stressing the importance of self-protection, asked me not to worry about the family, and wished me a safe journey back. Tears filled my eyes again, and I kept looking back while walking away. After a while, my brother brought me some masks, saying that Wuhan was short of such supplies. He asked me to take care of myself. And, before I started speaking, he said that he would take good care of our father and try to not to let him know the truth by all means. In this COVID-19 epidemic, we were afraid, sad, and helpless like most people, but we also had a sense of responsibility and mission to save lives, and that inspired us to go forward.  And our families are the unsung heroes of this battle. We are fighting on the front line while they are giving us the greatest motivation through their sincere support.

At the departure ceremony, Dean Li Weimin and Secretary Zhang Wei led all of our team members to recite the Oath of Medical Students. With the trust of Sichuan people and our hospital, as well as our families’ care and concerns behind, we got on the plane and left Chengdu. Our mission aroused the great concern of our hospital and received extensive attention from all walks of life. The list of aid members was also reported in media such as TV, websites, WeChat public accounts, etc. Many colleagues and friends saw my name on the list and expressed their comforts and concerns, which made me both very moved and worried. I was worried because my father might see them. After arriving in Wuhan that afternoon, I immediately called my brother to discuss the solution. Finally, we came up with an idea: He should cut off the Internet in his home and cancel the data service for our father's mobile phone. In this way, he could not use the Internet, nor could he could even watch the TV. We hoped that it would not take long before things cooled down with the media. I had to say that we made a very "cruel" decision.

Upon our arrival in Wuhan, I saw the deserted streets instead of the former prosperous metropolis. I felt very sad, but the slogan of "Come on China, Come on Wuhan" flashing on tall buildings gave us confidence to overcome the epidemic. Upon arrival at the hotel, it was very late before I finished setting up my luggage and taking a shower. I called my wife about my safe arrival, but I didn't have the courage to call my father. I was afraid I couldn't hold myself. The next day we received rigorous training on self-protection and work flow at our work site. Right after we finished dinner, my father called me and it immediately made me very nervous. Had he already known what happened? I clicked the answer button. Sure enough, a relative in his hometown called him and said that my name was on the aid team list of West China Hospital to Wuhan on the Internet. Because he could not access the Internet, he could not personally verify it. I stammered and said that it was a registration list, a list of reserve team. Actually I was not dispatched yet. But as a Party member, I felt obliged to stand in the front! My father fell in silence, and then said, yes, you should sign up for it. If you really need to go ... He stopped, and I understood the struggle going within him. I didn’t know if he really believed my lies, or he tried to force himself to believe it. When I hung off, tears came to my eyes. This was something glorious. Maybe my father would support me. Or maybe he would be proud of me, and he would take better care of himself while waiting for me to come back in triumph! I was struggling inside, and I was determined to tell him the truth. But when I picked up the phone, I remembered how my father could worry about me. I lost courage to make the call, and finally gave it up. After that, I sent a message to all our relatives in my hometown and all my father’s friends, and asked them not to tell my father about my trip to Wuhan. It was also for this reason that I never disclosed information about my whereabouts in Wuhan on the Internet, in case that my father would see it and that my white lie would go in vain.

In the following days, our work quickly got on track and we became busy. Our medical team as a whole has taken over the two critical wards of the Eastern Hospital of Renmin Hospital of Wuhan University. Under the leadership of Kang Yan, our medical team took advantage of our multidisciplinary and carried out medical work in an orderly manner, just like how we do own West China Hospital, and we felt as if we were the hosts there. We had been in the same hospital for so many years, but it was very rare for so many professional medical practitioners to form a team for joint work, where we got along in such harmony. We all carried along the dedication, precise work, and courage of medical team of West China Hospital to move forward, and to take our responsibility for our nation. We also formed our own work style, such as the categorization of red, yellow, and green sectors according to the patient's conditions, and normalized MDT discussions. I personally benefited a lot from this team work, especially in the evaluation and management of critical care patients. At the same time, I took advantage of my professional strength as an endocrine and metabolic doctor to manage hyperglycemic patients in the ward. I was deeply moved by the cooperation between doctors and nurses, the harmony between the medical team and patients, the continuous support of West China Hospital, and the continuous material supply from all over the country.

The busy and fulfilling life gradually reduced my homesick. Because my father couldn’t leave home and the Internet was cut, my lie was able to carry on! Ten days after the Internet cut off, we assumed that the news concern had cool off. My brother was ready to set up the Internet connection (because our father could not bear it anymore). I was still worried that someone had left message to my father on my father's WeChat during the Internet disconnection and asked if I went to aid Wuhan, so I specifically asked my brother to delete all the message on my father’s WeChat before he used it! My brother accomplished this "task" very well. In order to better relieve my father from his doubts, I kept calling him every two or three days, and lied to him that because I had to work in the hospital, in order not to affect our family life, I would not be able to meet him these days. My lying skill kept improving, and I was shocked by that. From childhood to adulthood, I rarely lied to him! My father seemed to be very comfortable with my lies, and he was extremely cooperative, because he was no longer questioning me about my whereabouts. Finally one day, my father's cell phone was broken, and I was so happy! However, it was fixed in just a few days.

After more than a month in Wuhan, with the bettering of the epidemic situation, the medical aid teams in Hubei gradually began to go back to where they belong. One day when talking with my father on the phone, he said he admired these medical workers very much and he called them real heroes! I almost told him immediately, "Your son is also one of them fighting in Wuhan!" But I didn’t, and I could hold my tears. According to the general plan of the country to fight against the epidemic, critically ill patients in Wuhan will be gathered in a few hospitals. The East Hospital of Renmin Hospital of Wuhan University under our aid was one of them. So we would not go back with the majority of other medical workers, and we would carry out some end work in Wuhan. This was trust and affirmation of the work of the medical team from West China Hospital. Every medical worker from West China Hospital should be proud of this.

I don’t know how long this lie to my father will last, but I believe that it won’t be long before the victory comes. When we go back to Chengdu in triumph, I will personally tell my father about this precious experience. In the face of this war, your son did not act in a cowardly way! Maybe I think too much. Maybe my father already supported me from the very beginning! Maybe he was fully aware of my lies long ago...

Since ancient times, there was the conflict of devotion to family and sacrifice to the nation. As a member of the Communist Party, sacrifice to the country is the greatest devotion to the family!

Father, I will return safely, and I won't fail you on this!

      (March 30, 2020 in Wuhan)